I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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