so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Two words: nipple clamps
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