; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
