maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
