I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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