No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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