I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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