I'm so fucking centered right now
babies were throwing up all over the place
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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