Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
