i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
