Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
