Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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