I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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