I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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