what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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