We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
