she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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