Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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