I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
