She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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