How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize