I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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