I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
