I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
