I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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