i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
