I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
