Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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