got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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