She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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