i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
