Duck Duck Cougar?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
