Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
