Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
