R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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