I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
