I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
