My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize