she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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