I am spending my child support on dildos
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
