Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ladies don't puke and tell
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
