I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
