I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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