my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
