Swine flu. Run for my life!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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