dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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