what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
