All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
