Say something about gay babies.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
