you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
