ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
