I want to make a zoo with you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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