they need to just BURY HIM!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
