just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
