I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
