She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
