how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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