You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
