Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
