Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
