i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
