If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk is not a location!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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