I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
