it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
