Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
