i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize