Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Farmville is her only friend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
