My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
PANTIES FOUND
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